HISTORY LESSON TIME

Hey you know how everybody is all, oh do I like pirates or do I like ninjas or do I take a complete cop out and say I like pirate ninjas or even worse, the scourge of the ocean, ninja pirates?

Well you lollygagging landlubber, I have made your decision for you!
Ever heard of Edward Teach?
No?
Oh that's weird.
Maybe you know him by his other (slightly less awesome in my opinion) name.
MOTHER FREAKING BLACKBEARD.
Now you're all, oh Blackbeard I know him, well I am here to tell you THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM AT ALL AND HE IS WAY MORE AWESOME THEN YOU.
He got bored at his job on the first ship he was on so he stole his own put forty guns on it and hired his own crew, he didn't think that this was bad ass enough so he took his entire crew, put them in the hold and decided to turn it into hell by setting everything on fire and then yelling at all the nancy boys that ran out before the floor gave way.
But I haven't mentioned the most fantastic thing yet.
You know in pirates of the Caribbean how they all jumped from ship to ship and yelled at each other and there was clanging swords and stuff?
How could we make that more awesome?
Edward Teach found a way.
Every time he boarded another ship, to strike fear into the hearts of the people he was boarding. He would light his freaking beard on fire, and actually had a crapload of fuses sewn into his beard so it was easier to do at the drop of a hat.
EDWARD
FREAKING
TEACH
Got it memorized?